We have election fever over here. Luke and I have been reading and listening and watching and guffawing for a few weeks now. With the actual e-day looming, however, I've been thinking long and hard about what I would actually want in an ideal Prime Minister and I've come to the conclusion that the ideal candidate isn't running. That's because the ideal candidate is currently asleep in his crib. That's right ladies and gentlemen, your future-perfect PM is Judah.
Yes, I know he isn't quite two and frequently wets himself, but hey that's better than "unintentionally" hiring and ca-hooting with a bunch of shady fraudsters. Or being found in contempt of parliament. I mean, time outs are one thing, but contempt sounds like one serious time out.
Plus, Judah has the mass appeal that could politically unite Canadians once and for all.
For the Conservatives: He's tough on crime. This morning the cat tried to steal a Pringle from him. He pulled her tail and shrieked at her. Never mind that the cat was hungry- she'll never learn if he doesn't punish her in some unequivocally harsh manner which ignores the root of the problem.
For the Liberals: He's fiscally responsible. Like surpluses? He's got at least 60 cents in pennies stashed in the cold air return. Want a learning passport? He gives his dad a hug every morning before he goes to school. Sometimes he even shares his cheerios with him. How's that for a learning passport?
For the NDPs: He's an equal-opportunities kisser. He kisses one person in the room and he immediately has to kiss all of them- no matter their SES, cultural background, or possible relation to the Chocolate Labrador family. They all get to feel his love. Plus, he loves the arts. Just yesterday he did a chalk drawing on the wall of the living room.
For the Greens: He has never owned a car in his life, with the exception of his Little Tykes number with runs on Dadaline- a very cheap, seemingly endless source of fuel. He also uses cloth diapers and eats organic raisins. Need I say more?
For the Bloc: He speaks French almost as proficiently as he speaks English. Never mind that his English is 90% unintelligible. And he loves poutine. Take that Harper.
And so ladies and gentlemen, the choice is clear. A vote for Judah Hoekstra on May 2nd is a vote for a kinder, gentler, more nap-filled Canada. Besides, no one since Trudeau has been able to rock a hat like him.