Things a woman may do while awaiting labour...

Crawl around the living room, kitchen and bedroom. Draw the line at the bathroom. 


Eat everything with a splash of hot sauce. EVERYTHING.


Take up residence on an exercise ball... Bum in the air when possible. 


Walk up stairs sideways.


Try to quell constant heartburn with meditative thoughts about calcium tablets.


Take long showers and try to tempt the baby out with renditions of early Roch Voisine songs.


Shout at your stomach. Cries of "GET OUT!" seem to be the most satisfying. Encourage your toddler to do the same - the baby may as well get used to the sound of the toddler shouting. 


Field calls from interested relatives, friends and acquaintances. Assure them you would know if the baby was out, and no, you wouldn't keep it a secret. 


Take long walks with chocolate at the final destination.


Pretend to sleep.


Pretend to sleep with 4 pillows between your knees.


Pretend to sleep with 4 pillows between your knees, and a toddler smushed up to your face.


Pretend to sleep with 4 pillows between you knees, a toddler smushed up to your face, and a snoring husband.


Don't sleep.


Try to convince your midwife to do some sort of labour inducing magic.


Try to convince your husband to do some sort of labour inducing magic.


Try to convince your mailman to do some sort of labour inducing magic.


Apologize to your mailman for your freakish behaviour.


Wrap a stuffed animal in a receiving blanket, put it in a bassinet and pretend the whole thing is over and done with.


Pretend your water is breaking in the express line at the grocery store. 


Look at pictures of yourself in pants that would not fit mid-sized farm animals. 


Try not to think about the fact that tomorrow is your due date and you will, inevitably, deliver late...again.