If you give a child your bagel, she's going to get your cold.
Once she has your cold, she'll probably get a runny nose.
After her nose starts running, she'll refuse to use a kleenex.
To thoroughly refuse your kleenex, she'll bang her head on the floor.
Banging her head on the floor may bring about a fever, so she'll need some Tylenol.
Once the Tylenol is working, she'll feel like she was never sick, so she'll have a dance party on your bed, at 3 am.
After the dance party, she'll be thirsty so she'll want a boob of milk.
Boob milk is so yummy, she'll want to drink for much of the night, while showing off amazing feats flexibility; simultaneously kicking you in the throat with one foot and her father in the groin with the other.
Acrobatics are tiring, so she'll probably need a short sleep.
Once she wakes up, she's going to need a fresh diaper.
Discovering for the 2500th time that bare bums are better, she'll try to escape her fate.
In her retreat, she'll likely bang into a wall.
Banging into walls is distressing, so she'll probably need a cuddle...and a snack.
Bagels make for excellent snacks.
And if you give a child your bagel...
She's going to get your cold.