The Sex Debate

Today is August 7th. Which means I have exactly 8 days to make a fairly major life decision. Do I want to know the sex of this baby now, or do I want to wait until mid-January when it lands in my arms... from the stork... I've decided that's the easier way of giving birth.

When we were expecting Judah, Luke was super adamant that he didn't want to know the sex. I, experiencing pregnancy and everything else for the first time, thought "What the heck. Let's make it a surprise." I had a pretty strong inkling Judah would be Judah, as did everyone I met while pregnant....

Pizza Hut man: Would you like a drink with that?
Me: Yes please. I'll have a...
Pizza Hut man: So you're having a boy eh?
Me: umm...we actually don't know.
Pizza Hut man: It's a boy.

This time feels sort of different. Luke is still adamant he does not want to know. So, if I do find out, I can tell no one! Well, at least not anyone who ever sees or talks to Luke- that wouldn't be fair. Can I keep such a HUGE secret for 5.5 months? I like to think I can... I also like to think I could train our cat to use the toilet... so maybe I'm overestimating my abilities. Nonetheless, I really want to know. The difficulty comes in deciphering my motivation for wanting to know. I've come up with a few possible motivating forces:

1. I have absolutely no patience and I like instant gratification. This is a terrible reason, but it's kind of true. If this is my primary motivator, I feel like I should just use this as a character building exercise- not find out and gain some self-control.

2. I've done it one way (waiting) now I'd like to try it the other way (knowing) and this way if and when we do this a third time, I'll know which method I preferred. You know, like trying different wine pairings with lamb...they will all be good, but will one be better?

3. (Luke's theory) I want to know so I can decorate the nursery. This theory is incorrect (sorry darling) as I've already purchased all the fabric for the nursery textiles (post to follow!) and the colour scheme - yellow and white, is cemented. I'm not a fan of pink for girls or blue for boys anyway. So that motivation can be scratched :)

4. I need to mentally prepare. I know I can handle a baby boy. I can picture myself as a mother of a son. Somehow, however, having a girl seems like a bit of a mental leap. This makes me feel really shallow for the most part. I don't want to gender my child from birth. I don't want to presume heterosexuality on them and I will do my utmost to treat them the same. That being said, the thought of having a girl (as much as I'd love one) somewhat terrifies me. To be a young girl in this day and age means being inundated with the idea that you need to look and act like a princess, images of sexualized children's clothing, and a perception that her worth is only as good as her looks and her ability to attract boys. What I'm saying is, I'd like to know if I'm having a girl so I can build a tall tower in the woods somewhere...without wireless internet signals...to lock her until she is 25. Practical no?

And still, a small nagging voice says, "just wait". Knowing the baby's sex will mean nothing about knowing my baby. Their sex is only a tiny part of the amazing, complex, little personality that we will meet on that wintry day. And so I continue the mental debate. I honestly don't know what I will do next week - I'm open for advice. Maybe baby will make things easy and will cover its incriminating parts with the knitting I'm sure it's busy doing...those are definitely needles I'm feeling in the side of my bladder.

Happy Sunday world!


  1. Hmmm. That's a hard one that really only you can decide. I can tell you the reasons I decided to find out with our second one. It was mostly practical. Do I give JJ's girls clothes away or pull them all out to wash and have ready? Mentally, my brain was already so full it made things so much easier to just know what we were getting into. It was still a special moment when we met her. I still asked if she was a girl because they could have been wrong.

    As far as being worried about it being a girl. She will let you know if she wants to be a princess or not. JJ insists on being a princess and Tee insists on NOT being a princess. We let them be who they want to be. As far as the sexualized clothing ... this is partially why I started sewing. You will do great with a boy or girl.

  2. This is such a hard decision! Kris and I got the ultrasound technician to write it down the sex and seal it in an envelope because we still hadn't made up our mind.

    We ripped it open in the parking lot as soon as we got outside (patience fail).

    However, we told everyone that we didn't know because it was something special for us. Sometimes I feel like our family knows EVERYTHING about us (blogging doesn't help this), and so it was nice to have a secret about our baby that was only for us. It wasn't hard to keep it a secret from others, but I can't imagine keeping it from Kris. I KNOW I would have slipped up for sure.

    I think for our second we will probably find out again. Mostly because I think it would take some serious time for me to adjust to the idea of having a girl. I just can't imagine it and am CONVINCED that we'll end up with another boy (some day). So if we waited to find out and we ended up with a girl, I'm sure I would go into shock.

    Good luck with your decision. It's a toughie.

  3. Thanks Lisa and Randalin!! Randalin, I'm really diggin' the envelope idea, although I'm pretty sure I'd be like you and open it immediately. I'm also totally with you on the adjusting to the idea of having a girl- I'm having difficulty fathoming a life that isn't totally full of boys.

  4. Hey Jennie! It is such a hard decision. Curtis and I found out for both beforehand, the first we told everyone we didn't know. We did the same as Randalin and Kris and had them write it down. We made it to WalMart where I dragged Curtis to the baby aisle and demanded that he opened it lol ;)
    I enjoyed being able to connect beforehand with it being a boy or girl. I also felt that I would get a lot of excitement the day the baby arrived so maybe I was greedy and wanted two days haha. I think that if you decide to find out then or on your special delivery day either way is a delightful surprise.
    Good luck with your decision!!! Any guesses?

  5. Jennie, I found out the sex of Evan and for 5.5 months thought he was a girl. So there's always that to think about too!

  6. So...I'm curious -- did you find out then, or are you waiting for the surprise? We waited with our baby -- I was leaning toward "boy" but nope, it was a girl! Next time I want to find out, though, because I was really really sick the whole pregnancy and I think knowing the sex would help me bond with the baby instead of focusing on puking!

  7. We did find out :) It's a girl...at least that's what they tell us!