Confessions of a toddler's mother

Sometimes, even when I know Judah has a mess in his pants, I'll casually ask his dada to check his diaper just so I won't have to change it.

I skip most of the text when reading Matthew and the Midnight Tow Truck aloud.

I don't really enjoy being woken up by a 30 pounder belly-flopping on my head.

I have a Judah booger stuck to my clothes at least 90% of the time- and it's ceased to gross me out.

My child eats food with sugar- refined sugar. I feel kind of bad about it, but not bad enough to stop him.

I will eat partially chewed and regurgitated cookies rather than find an appropriate garbage receptacle.

My bathtub almost always has a ring around it because my kid is just that dirty by the end of each day.

I haven't opened the closet door in the nursery for several months. I know it's a disaster, but now I'm afraid the old baby clothes have spawned alien life that could potentially attack.

I carry raisins in my purse in case of emergency.

I bribe Judah (with cats, books, family members, outings, flowers, snacks etc.) to do things ALL THE TIME.

I dread entering any building with an escalator because I know we will need to ride it at least 6 times.

My bed is never my own for an entire night and I like it like that.

I used to love when Judah learned new words. I retracted that feeling when he started saying "I know it!" after everything I said to him.

I have been tired for two years.

I wouldn't change a thing...

except the public nose picking.